I am currently battling three different fogs – fibro fog, pain fog and depression fog. Each of these is distinct, and something I’m pretty used to, but man, they’ve all lasted a few weeks and I’m getting tired of being unable to finish sentences. Since just about the only thing I can do is sit here and describe the fog, I’ll do a post on that. It’s one of the parts of FMS that is poorly understood by those outside the illness.
fibrofog has a really good description of that part of the fog I’m currently in here. I especially appreciate the fact that xie kept forgetting to bring the script for the comic home…so that xie could remember draw it. The best analogue I can think of for the word scrambling is when you wake up from a dream, and have something Really Important that you absolutely have to tell someone. As you start speaking and begin to wake up more fully, you start to realize that what you’re saying makes no sense, but what you have to say is so important that you have to keep trying and trying to communicate it. You don’t seem able to say it, but you know you should be able to. It is an extremely frustrated feeling, but I’m pretty sure Colin and I could win at a game of charades anytime. The other distressing aspect of fibro fog is that it makes it almost impossible to keep a to-do list effectively. Unless I pay bills the moment I get them, I completely forget. I forget to make phone calls setting up/cancelling doctor’s appointments. I forget everything that is not part of my daily routine (and some things that are). It is so incredibly frustrating.
Example, Last night at dinner:
E: *spills salsa on table* “Colin, could you please…um…um…”
C: *looks confused* “What do you need?”
E: *starts making wiping motions on the table, points at napkin dispenser*
C: “Do you want a napkin?”
E: *the most excited and sad nod you’ve seen in a while*
Unlike Fibro Fog, Pain Fog seems to affect the logic center more than the verbal center. I know that there is something I can do to solve assorted problems, I just can’t figure out what. This tends to leave me sitting in my chair at a dead end of some route (especially in stores), unable to figure out how to maneuver out. Or, like last night:
E: *ON FIRE AND BEING STABBED BY KNIVES WHATISTHISWHY*
E: “Colin, do we have anything softer than my blanket*? It’s scratching me.” *probably the softest thing we own
C: *asleep* “A robe? Go put on your robe.”
E: *honestly cannot figure out how to find her robe and put it on* “Please?”
C: *now awake and, frankly, grumpy – rolls out of bed, finds my robe, and helps me to put it on.*
E: “Oh, thank god.”
Depression Fog is the most insidious because it works purely to isolate me in what feels like a protection mechanism. It is also the hardest to fight, since it convinces me that no one wants to be with me. The feeling is very much like having to push through a barrier before I can participate in a conversation…very difficult. I hate depression fog. It is currently making the adjustment to less daily social interaction So Much Worse. Fortunately, I do things like plan social events weeks ahead of time, so that I feel obligated to go and interact with people.
If you have any questions about the various Fogs associated with fibromyalgia, or if you would like to share a story of your own, feel free to leave a comment or email me.